Discussion aims to prevent violence against women
A former NFL football player encourages college students
to think about their own actions, words
By ANDREA BOYARSKY
STATEN ISLAND, N.Y. — Don McPherson considers himself a feminist. Say something negative about women and he’ll stop you.
This doesn’t make the former NFL player a “priss”, “wuss” or “girl” — as guys in the locker room might label him. In fact, this is exactly the kind of offensive language — as well as other derogatory acts against women — that he hopes to get rid through his lectures at various colleges and venues across the country.
Last month, the former player for the Philadelphia Eagles and Houston Oilers spoke at Wagner College, where he hoped his discussion, “How ‘The Man’ Becomes a Real Man,” has a lasting impact on the way students view women.
Part of the problem, McPherson said, is that we label crimes like domestic violence, abuse and rape as “women’s problems.” But, in reality, they are “men’s problems,” too, he explained, since men are responsible for 90 percent of the violent acts against women. By calling them “women’s issues” we allow men to ignore their part in the problem, said McPherson, who serves on the board of the Ms. Foundation for Women.
In order to put a stop to these offenses against women, he said we need to educate men before they do verbal or physical harm. Otherwise the cycle continues.
McPherson talked about his own family, explaining how his grandfather and uncle were alcoholics. Even though others in his family were affected by it, they never openly discussed the alcohol abuse.
“Our silence as a family let it [alcoholism] get passed from generation to generation,” he said.
The same goes for men who don’t speak up about violence against women. Because they’re intimidated or want to fit in, often the “good guys” keep silent. When talking about women, men might feel pressured to say things like “hitting that,” “hooking up” and “taking care of business” since they believe that is what is expected of them.
“We lie,” McPherson said, and by doing so, “we keep the illusion alive.”
This hit home for Ed Tobin, a freshman and wide receiver on Wagner’s football team. He noted that many guys, including himself, tend to back away from speaking out against the issue.
In high school, Tobin, from Lancaster, Pa., listened to some older friends talk negatively about women. They’d come back from college with stories about girls and promiscuity and, though taken aback by it, Tobin never reprimanded them for their vile words.
“I don’t go into situations trying to preach how to discuss things with girls,” Tobin said. “I feel I don’t treat women badly, so it’s not my issue.”
But after hearing McPherson speak, Tobin noted he’s going to watch his own tongue more.
McPherson also asked the audience about what it means to be a man. Their answers included: “tough”, “leaders”, “responsible”, “protectors” and “providers”. McPherson wrote these words in a box on the blackboard.
“As a man, you don’t cry, you don’t show emotions,” McPherson observed of society’s perception.
He then asked what happens when a guy steps away from these roles of protector or provider. Students replied: He becomes a “pussy”, “faggot”, “weak” and “queer”.
McPherson then asked, “Why?”
“Because,” someone answered, “others are trying to keep you in the box.”
McPherson told the audience that it’s not bad for men to be tough or providers or leaders. It’s when that’s all that men are expected to be that it becomes an issue.
“When we keep the definition of masculinity this narrow, it becomes a problem,” he said. “It’s saying you’re either in the box or [that] you don’t matter.”
But, “being a man is not this one narrow thing,” McPherson noted. “There’s not one definition of masculinity — it’s masculinties.”
Men, he added, can encompass the stereotypes of a woman — loving, emotional, nurturer — and it doesn’t take away from their masculinity.
Ashley Sikkema, a junior from Cooperstown, N.Y., agreed, noting there are a lot of guys who aren’t the macho stereotype, but try to act that way because they are afraid to face criticism from their peers. She was glad that McPherson addressed this problem, noting “it’s important we hear different opinions and voices on who we’re allowed to be.”
